


So Much More

by Lolo314



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Heavy Angst, SoMa Week, Soul is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24007177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolo314/pseuds/Lolo314
Summary: He could still feel her hands around his neck. Could almost see them, moving efficiently in perfect patterns, like they did everything, her eyes focused.
Relationships: Maka Albarn/Soul Eater Evans
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	So Much More

Soul refused to open his eyes, even as the morning sun peeked through the blinds. His body felt heavy, his soul weighed down by some invisible force. _Souls…_ he buried the memories threatening to resurface. The constant ringing of phones forced his eyes open. He had found it impossible to go back to their apartment after that day. The thought of walking around the now empty space made his soul ache. He had been staying at Blackstar’s place for weeks, his body protesting to any of his, or his friend’s attempts to get him anywhere past the bathroom. But today was different. It was his last chance to say goodbye.

“Hey, Soul? Tsubaki and I are out for some coffee. Should we pick you up in an hour?” his friend’s voice rung through the other line, more quiet than he had ever heard it.

“All right.” He voiced his first words in weeks before ending the call. He glanced at the suit laying beside him before dragging his feet to the bathroom for a quick shower, adjusting the temperature of the water to ice-cold in hopes of feeling something other than emptiness. It did nothing to fill the void she left behind. He threw on the suit and combed his hair, his body on auto pilot before picking up the tie.

_“It’s all crooked… Here, let me do it.”_

_“Why’s a piece of cloth around my neck so important anyways?”_

_“It’s symbolic. Besides, it looks nice. See?”_

He could still feel her hands around his neck. Could almost see them, moving efficiently in perfect patterns, like they did everything, her eyes focused. _Her eyes…_ He shook his head and walked away from the mirror. When the front door opened to reveal Blackstar, gesturing for him to follow him outside, he only nodded.

Soul barely registered the car ride to cemetery or his friend’s encouraging words, his mind already too far gone in a sea of despair. He imagined it was a similar to drowning. He didn’t fight the current, allowing it to consume him in hopes of being beside her once again.

When they arrived, there was already a crowd of people waiting for the ceremony to begin. He saw people shaking his hand, their lips forming comforting words, but he felt nothing. Didn’t react to anything. His stared straight ahead, lost somewhere far away. The thing that woke him up from his slumber was a fist landing in his face.

“You… Why didn’t you protect her…” he looked up to find Spirit looking down on him, his gaze unfocused and angry, protecting the layers of pain underneath. Soul didn’t make any move to pull away, to escape from the man’s grip. _Punch me… hit me… I deserve it._ It didn’t matter to him. Nothing mattered anymore. When the second punch landed he briefly noticed people pulling him away.

_“It’s not his fault.”_

_“Please calm down sir.”_

_“Don’t make a scene.”_

He moved away from the sea of people gathered to pull the man away, blocking out the noise.

He walked behind the group during the recital, avoiding provoking Spirit any more. He didn’t want to ruin anyone’s last goodbyes. She deserved better. _So much better…_

He was the last one to look at her before they closed the casket. No matter how much it hurt him, he refused to miss his last chance at seeing her face, trying to engrave every feature is his mind, knowing he would never see them again. Memories flooded his brain the moment he laid eyes on her soulless body.

_“A sound soul dwells within a sound mind and a sound body.”_

_“I’ll take your Soul.”_

_“People need fear to survive. We experience it so we can grow stronger.”_

_Then there was blood. And then there was coughing, whispering, then nothing._

_“…”_

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Tsubaki was now standing next to him, trying to get through to him, as gently as possible. _It’s time to say goodbye._

“Goodbye Maka. My super-stupid and super cool partner.” he had promised himself he would see her off with a smile. She deserved it. _She deserved the world…_ he tried his best, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He walked down the aisle, not daring to look back. He sped up when he heard the lid close.

He took the flowers from Blackstar’s hand before moving to stand before her headstone. He opened his palm, letting them drop, along with a piece of himself.

He stood there as people slowly walked away.

_“Hey, do you maybe want to go somewhere else? They’re holding a dinner in her memory…”_ he couldn’t bring himself to reply.

_“Just… Call me when you’re ready.”_ Blackstar patted him once on the shoulder before walking away, leaving him alone. Everything was quiet, except the soft sound of the wind meeting with the branches.

He felt the emptiness crawl up his body, sink it’s fangs into his skin, scars he knew would never fade.

_Maka Albarn_

_Age 20_

_Loved daughter and Accomplished Meister._

He reread the words, over and over until they finally sunk in. _She was so much more than that… So much more…_ Tears streamed down his face, watering the still fresh soil. Week’s worth of pain and memories he had locked away burst open as he broke apart in front of her.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. It should’ve been me not you.” He yelled the words until his throat hurt, the awareness of the fact that she would never hear them only making him cry harder.

It was dusk by the time all his strength left him. His body dropped, his lungs were on fire, his eyes were stinging and his head hurt from the stimulation. He couldn’t bring himself to walk away. So he lay there, motionless, hoping the ground would eat him and he could be with her again.

“I can’t… I promised you I’d be strong… I failed you… again…” his voice was no more than a whisper as her last words flashed through his mind.

_“Please… Don’t let me break you, Soul… You’ll get through this… I know you will. “_

_“I promise.”_

He hadn’t cried that day. He refused to see her off in tears. He had flashed her his biggest smile and held her close until he felt her life wash away into nothing. Now the mask had fallen away and he had no way to cope with her loss. When he closed his eyes she was looking up at him with her large eyes, full of life, and when he opened them she wasn’t there.

“Maka... please… Don’t leave me alone… I don’t want to be alone. “His eyes were dry, so he wept, shredding away every last bit of armor he had left, completely bare and alone in a world he felt was working against him. A strong gust of wind blew, causing a storm of spring flowers to surround him, their aroma filling the empty space. He slowly lifted himself up and observed the scene. He couldn’t explain it, but in that moment he felt her presence.

“Maka…” something pulled at the restrains he had locked himself in after her death and his heart filled with something else, easing his pain, slightly. 

“I’ll make it through this… For you, Maka… “His lips curved a little. _Even in death…_ _You give me hope… Thank you._

**Author's Note:**

> My attempt at sadness and pain. Hope you had fun and maybe cried a little.


End file.
